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Because the Golden Girls are the main threat, so I have to get in good with them to help Steve from home! There you are! Never do that to me again.

What do you mean? I found your hat. It's a fake. How could you? How dare you?! Jeff, I am so sorry. I was just trying to make you happy. And I thought if I bought you a new hat, we could visit the zoo, like we planned. We belong in the zoo!

The only thing that separates us from the animals is our hats! Yeah, thanks for letting us skip history, Francine. History is so stupid. If that stuff is so great, how come we're not still doing it? I do like the name Benedict Arnold, though. That would be a boss name for, like, a massive bulldog. On a scale of one to French, how do I look today? Oh, pardonnez-moi. I didn't realize you were guiding the young mademoiselles.

Francine, do you know that dweeb? H-He's my friend Stan's kid. Like, 10 years ago, he drew a picture of me, and it was, like, a circle on top of a triangle. It's like, 'Uh thanks? Guys [Whispering indistinctly, laughing] So, we never do this, but do you want to come hang out at Blanche's dad's lake house this weekend? My boyfriend drowned there last summer, so the cops let us drive around doing whip-its. That sounds like a blast! Okay, don't pee yourself over it.

I only pee when I dump. It that like a field trip? I don't think you're allowed to go out of town with the students. What are you, the rule book? It just seems like you're always with them.

Uh, yeah. We go to the same school. But I go to that school, and you won't even wave back to me in the hall. I'm getting in good with them for you. You're getting them to come to my fashion show! They'd never go to that without your mother going to the lake house and talking them into it!

Thank you, Mom! Is there something a little different about Francine? She seems cooler somehow. Wake up, bro. Francine is, like, the coolest girl in school. She will be mine. All I have to do is figure out where Steve goes to school. Get away from me. Sometimes I wish the moon drowned in that lake instead of Austin. Hey, Francine, why aren't you making fun of the moon? Sorry, guys. I guess I'm just thinking about something.

Oh, no. I promised one of the students I'd go to his stupid fashion show. You know what would be hilarious? Like, if we all had sex with that cop who looks like my step-dad?

Uh I was thinking more like we go to the fashion show and clap, but our secret joke never to be revealed would be that we thought it was stupid. Like the moon. The moon is such a Debbie. There she is. She is so cool! Francine, hi! It's me Stan! I was at your wedding!

She's looking. Pretend I said something funny. We're the guys who are always laughing. It will be when you dump clam chowder on his head. It'll be hilarious. Um [Scattered applause] Why is she not doing what you say? I guess she doesn't want this. I'd get to be a Golden Girl?

Cream-covered boy. Wait a minute. This has to be a trap. But, then again, it's better to know. You look like you got hit by a bag of dicks, Dorothy. Aw, man! They put my name backwards. Is the type of thing you might hear, considering what you did to him yesterday.

What were you thinking? Oh, my God, Roger, I'm a monster! What am I gonna do? I don't effing know! This is a disaster. Yeah, that'll work. Are you okay, hon? Oh, hey, Mom. Yeah, I'm good. I was just smelling my pillow super hard. Have you ever wondered what dreams smell like? What's up?

I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the French Club Fashion Show. Oh, what a disaster. Barry ate the baguette instead of walking with it, and, of course, all my friends are just ugly, so that hurt the fashion in the end, unfortunately.

No, Steve, the chowder. That was me. I'm so, so sorry. Oh, I knew that. You're not mad? I wasn't even covered in chowder for that long. Roger and who I assume are the other janitors licked it clean off me. Small price to pay for getting to express what's in my soul. You really don't care what people think. Can you teach me? I can teach you what Sheila taught me. She had a pretty good reputation as a guidance counselor until she sent pictures of her butthole to that sophomore.

Maybe you could do that for me. The guidance part. Don't shut me out, Jeff! I'm so sorry you lost your hat. But we'll get through this together! I love you, babe. I'm not a Debbie! It's important to be honest in here. Okay, maybe I'm a Debbie. But when I was in high school, they called it being a Herb. Who called you a Herb bitches? The archery team. I never expressed myself because I was always afraid they might think I was lame. I see. Well, what would you have done if there were no archery team?

Oh, my God! You're judging me. And that shouldn't matter because? Because break dancing is in my soul. That's right! Hmm, I'm pretty good at this therapy thing. Hey, Mertz, tell me your problem.

My foster father adopted me for the money, and now he beats me with a wrench. Out of my depth immediately! Did Did they love it? It was terrible. But that's not the important part. Thank you. You're right. You guys, I'm starting to think that she's friends with that dweeb. Well, for your information, this isn't my dweeb friend. He's my dweeb son. And he doesn't care what other people think. But I do.

And next time you mess with a Debbie, make sure it's not a grown-ass Debbie with access to your confidential psychological assessments. Mom, you don't have to do this. You can walk away knowing you showed everyone your true self. Yeah, but I didn't show my true self. I'm not a dancer. I'm a bad bitch who lays waste to her enemies. Blanche, you transferred from your last school because the kids found out that you carried around a piece of your own shit in your backpack!

All: Ew! Sophia, you were taken away from your parents because they are brother and sister. Your file just says you grind your teeth. Did you murder someone? She grinds her teeth! The Golden Girls are a bunch of losers!

Their reign of terror is over! The age of Mertz begins now! Will you go to the prom with me? Stan, we're already married. That's not a yes, but that's not a no.

Now start laughing. I'm scared. I understand. But our new life begins today. Welcome to Lids. I'm Parker. What can I help you find today? After realizing his family forgot Father's Day, Stan confronts them, leading them to decide to celebrate it the next day. But after his celebration doesn't live up to his expectations, he uses CIA technology to trick the family into reliving the same day until they get it right.

Meanwhile, the saga of the Golden Turd continues when a Senator running for President kills his running mate, and a cleaning lady takes the cursed treasure to Pope Francis and his council of religious leaders.

When Steve fails his history midterm, he asks Stan for help with his extra credit project, but Stan's helpfulness begins to irritate Steve when the video project turns into a splashy Hollywood movie starring Vin Diesel and an orangutan. Meanwhile, Klaus and Hayley go after a man who may have stolen Klaus' Ed Hardy shoes and Hayley's Garfield welcome mat they ordered online but never received.

Meanwhile, Stan and Steve learn how to make sushi. When Stan discovers that an abstract painting of Francine's genitalia is displayed in a public museum, he enlists Roger to help him steal it. Meanwhile, Steve loses his sex drive after imagining the painting of Francine's genitals, and decides to dedicate his time into helping Klaus clean his fish bowl. Stan is rattled about becoming a grandfather after Hayley and Jeff announce they want to have a baby.

Meanwhile, Steve and Klaus join a Jamaican drug gang, and Roger attempts to live as a lifeguard after getting interested in Baywatch.

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